Life

Whoever knows what's in place for us.
Whoever knows the next second you're going to face danger or accident or fall ill.

Someone told me to show if you care.
Someone told me that people learn from mistakes, but be sure not to make it again.
Someone told me selflessness is only when you are selfish of others not for yourself.
Someone told me that you do something not to expect anything in return.

Life is short.
Facing 2 death in a week from people I know. This saddens me.
I'm glad that I took a step to bonding with my grams.
You won't want to regret after losing, do things you won't regret.
If you miss someone, meet them. If you care for them, show it. If you worry, let them know.

Came across the news while typing, even coffins are getting more high class.
I can die sooner and lie there not breathing.

Ok, that was something random. Anw, I'm glad that I found my blog password in the midst of packing. I'll have somewhere I can rant if I don't have anyone to rant to :)
I mean, how long can a person handle/ hear one rant before he/ she gets irritated.
Don't ask, cause neither do I know.

It feels good knowing that I still get people ranting at me. At least to me it shows something.
Through different rants, to know how people react differently to different situation.
Maybe that's partly why I want to further my studies to that field. And understand the behaviors.

Relatives' been pressing me about studies. And the stress level at work. Not to mention personal matters and family.

Coming to personal. Tho it's a blog, and people criticizes you for what you post.
I don't really want to care much about that.
What's wrong with expressing how you feel or sharing your joy.

Cut short, I've given some thought about it.
I can't be the best, neither a 180 degree change.
But one thing is I won't lose myself for what I am.
The inner side way before all the criticism and judging and bullying.
Yes, I was bullied when in primary school, not afraid to admit it.
The walls that have been built up.

The love for my family. They only see the slight care but deep down knows what I really mean.

I just had to jump topic again.
Perhaps after watching this show 愛。回家, family is important.
The 'mother' of the family plays bad guy for the kids' good.
Grandpa doting on grandchildren but have a way towards his own sons.
'Father' of the family who's always good and thoughtful towards others by showing.
Younger brother who hides emotions but thinks best for everyone.
The bond between the 2 grandchildren.
Grandpa's sister who has her way of doing things tho in a little unreasonable way at times.
It's just a happy family everyone wishes to be in.
If only my life's like this.

In between all these thoughts, I thought I really had to pen this.
Maybe I'm the cause of everything, be it work or not.
People have to suffer because of me.
It applies to both work related and personal.
It's my fault and I can't expect things my way. There's a price to pay for your own doing.
So much for wanting to run away. If I can tell people not to run away from tough situations, I can't. If I do, what's the difference.

To my colleagues who care and side by me, I've failed you. Work is never easy. One have to strive hard. Earn it with your own effort.  This is serious.

It's kind of a wonder how I can meet such great colleague who's like a mom to me.
I didn't have a chance to experience motherly love from young.
Only now I do. This made a great turning point of my life. I really have to thank God for that.
I'm learning from her, and I like that she share life experiences with us.
But I just can't relate.
She feels so close to me that it's gone with the formalities.

To you that I can't show my worry and care. I really wish you're fine. It's nice to hear something with sincerity in a while. Yet, I've myself to blame that it became like that. I'd hope for the better, I really do.

Well. Going to turn in after blowing dry my hair. Got to be up for breakfast and church tmr!
Been quite some time.

Ciao.

End year - 2013

Blogging at this deadly hour. I have this thing lingering in my mind, that I have to note it somewhere. You know that feeling whr you want/ need to do sth and have to get it organized somewhere? Yeah, it's some what about that line.

Anyway, I kinda forgotten about blogger, at the same time forgotten the registered email address and all. So glad that I made it to 1, universal email. Hahaha.

Make it quick, I rmb saying something about reflecting when it's the end of the year?

Thank God for the smooth poly journey, good and bad, but You've answered my prayers (ok maybe through my work too), it's really amazing how it happened when you believe.

Yes, I actually admit that my mind was peaceful, and 'fitting' into different situations. I don't like how I change after the previous relationship. But I'm sure Idw to be like that, at least, again.

I failed to travel a lot after I graduated, only flew to Seoul with my bakas! So glad I have them in life. We might not always meet, but when we meet it's all the funny topics and the fandoms and that's when I think I'm outdated. I kind of get tired catching up on new Korean bands and their songs, and updating my phone music is a chore. Haven't gotten my own laptop (the poly one gave up on me 9% and to date I can only log in. Mind you, log in. Can't even access 'My Computer'. How pathetic. Anyone wants to get me a new laptop? Pref pink hahahaha.) Also amazing how we can get close from Taiwan fandom, chasing frh, to ss501, to kpop and now to S. Korea tgt!

My 2013 Seoul trip was amazing. One of the best. Went with my bakas, 1 of their sis and mother. Even walked the whole gangnam area and it's neighbouring area the whole late morning/ afternoon/ evening. Legs were aching but was worth it. Got a challenge to be in that cold weather of like 5 degree or so with out Pjs (apparently mine was just an oversize top and fbt) and was successful! So on and forth. With our great planner, E. Baka.

Until now I'm still wondering how I can magically have money for traveling everytime. Not bad *inserts smirk face*

Well. 2013 was a great change for me. I turned 21, that's a big step. My thinking changed. Money management finally caught my attention (and I'm glad that I'm working and living well with it). A job, at least for now. Learning is good, have to excel and do stuff that would benefit me in future/ the long run.

Internship ended, great friends through the 5 months of horror in a call centre. Having our little jokes and the must-leave-for-lunch-at-1pm-together everyday. Waiting for each other to end work if we arrived late or held up by customer's call. Timing our last calls of the days. Encouraging each other and helping out, those times where we had training and get to know colleagues from other departments. Nice bosses and all, who knew intern will bring such fun and memories worth keeping.

And ma bf, really love him a lot, it feels different from the previous 2. I'd also thought about the future tgt. Tho insecurities etc might be there at times, but we will overcome them. Having a bf serving the nation is not easy, but I believe we will get through.

2013 ended quicker than expected.

Updated as at 2:45am, bye peeps! Will really continue updating tmr.

I'm tired here, I can't help but to yawn. I tear when I yawn. This is how tired I am. So without further ado, here's my 2014 resolution.

1. Career
Making a mark in the company, always have the positive attitude towards learning. Not get affected with what others say. But I mean obviously if the other person is saying something which is the fact, or sound unpleasant, just work from it and know the mistakes (if there is).

One thing I've learnt from this company:

2. Time
Time management is important. Instead of starting work at 10, I'll make it a point to start at 930 and slowly or hopefully to 9. Time includes not planning stuff which has a small time buffer and all.

3. Evil minions
Hahaha, ok simply putting it people who are scheming or evil enough to do stuff behind you or just to frame you. But I have the mentality that if I do the right thing and what I have to do, it would be already halfway. 

And back on track with the resolutions. 

4. Travel
Really wish to make it a point to travel to Korea every year. With determination, I can surely do it :) be it short or long. It's just a way to really relax much with the culture that I like. Even a short getaway there is fine. I need to go Taiwan too, believe it or not. I haven't been to Taiwan, not once in my life at all. And my Europe plan, hoping to realize it in like 3-5 years or after I further my studies. Hahaha. 

5. Money management 
Back to reality. Money comes in like an important factor. Hearing real stories of colleagues and friends around me able to save up to 80% of the pay is motivating. Well. I've come to senses with the things that I have, it's what money can't use. I'll start from 50% of my pay. So the scrimping starts now. Hahaha. I did up a plan which actually works fine for me. I'm going to strive for my goal ^^ so excited about it. Especially now in the finance industry, saving plans and all makes a great change to me. A better one :) 

6. Relationship 
Of coz all will go through ups and downs, it's the true side that everyone wants to protect. But at the end of the day, trust and care and all makes a difference. Yes, 21 made me a better person. I like how I'm thinking right now. Matured, able to voice out opinions, accept critiques (I kind of handle this well. Hahaha!) 

7. Volunteer work
I'd love to do this all the while. But haven't got a chance to. Hanging around with elderly from different walks of life and listening to their stories, and experiences. Also maybe with kids? The pure innocent mind that makes me happy. 

That will be all from now. 

I like how my colleagues are. Sharing their life experiences be it work or personal. When we do things wrong or so, we will just be straight. I mean, what's with all the competitive people who wants to backstab people or frame them just to get what they want. Just say in our faces la, not say I'm the competitive kind. It's some things that I can't phrase it right about the way I feel with my colleagues. I'll say, thank God for them and I will definitely be an asset to the company. Never thought that I'll stay in the company for that long. 

Ciao. 

See ya when I see ya. 

2013

Well it's nvr too late for a new year resolution.

Actually I've already listed out in my mind somewhere. Hahaha.
Got a chance to blog again.
Really think writing or typing it out makes a diff.
Then at the end of the year you can reflect on it.

2013 resolution:
A trip to 3-4 countries at least (from... S Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, Australia, USA)
Let my mind just be peaceful.

So far, the 3rd one has been done :)
And my first trip overseas like with luggage bag is coming soon!
Sometimes if the feeling is there and it's meant to, it will come

Tata wonderful babies

11/11 on a very different year

So, it has been ages since i've blogged?

Well i'm back..
Anneong~
Things have changed, everything are different now.
Even if i don't want it this way, it just have to be..
Various changes in my life even if im happy with it or not.

Hair sort of diff already right!
Used to have super long hair with side fringe.
Even my figure!! :o
Now become so fat.
Pouts.

So now im single again?
Long story pls don't ask.
I know there's still a part of me that doesn't want it this way.
But if its meant not to hurt more, then i guess i'll choose that path and not regret it.
It has been a good 2 years with you, even tho the quarrels and all.
Its just those little things that you rmb and learn from it.
I have to say another phase has passed.
If its fate, even after a whole round, we'll be back.

For now, i've totally no mood for being in any relationship.
Well, time says it all.

As for school, the hectic life is back.
Been having internship since mid September.
We had about 2 wks rest after the final tests before the internship starts.
Im glad to make friends in work and training, hell fun of the lot.

So, it has also been about a month since the start of operations.
Working in a call centre, and at the same time undertaking the module i have to do.
Year 2 all the skipping and flunking of tests made me had to retake 1 module.
But i would also say that it is a blessing in disguise.
Instead of facing work 5 days straight, i get to go school for lessons 1 day.
But sacrifices has to be made.
In order to grad within 3 years and all this "blessing", my Saturday has been eaten up by work.
All i can feel is the fatigue.

After i've gotten my pay for intern, realised i have been starting to think differently.
There is this sense of satisfaction and the day to look forward.
I would also start to do savings (which nvr in my life i thought i would, swear).
Besides that, whenever im spending money, its like finally im using my own money feel. LOL.

But at the same time, desk bound work is real bored.
Practically just eat and sit.
Can totally work until stomach have tyres -.-
My tummy fats all visible already lor.
Want exercise also can't find the time/ energy.
Always super tired, spoils the mood..

I'd say work and school has brought me off the edge off the r/s.
Having r/s problems is not good.
But, ok well i got my freedom.


Everything has a price to pay.
It's a sentence proven to all.
You've played enough and got that which is probably fair.


Starting to learn how to have a work life balance.
Well, at least i think im getting more aunty.
Playing mj overnight instead of slping.
Maybe drinking or rather chill more than club.
Going out for supper and catch up when its super late.
Guess we'll only enjoy these when we work.

Chill at the bar or tourist spots brings me to a totally different place.
I don't feel in Singapore firstly coz of the people.
Hahaha, the crowd really makes a difference.

The times at Holland was spent fairly well.
Turning in early, meeting people in the west and the quiet and rather "maintained" buses.
Reminds me of Australia.

Oh well.
Planning to go Korea, Taiwan and Bangkok next year after intern :)
Hopefully they turn out well.
Maybe Korea for a wk, Taiwan for a couple and Bangkok for like 4-5 days?
After that start working again.. or study?

Talking about this.
Family and relatives' been asking me to go on study for a degree.
But what i really want is to work.
At least get a taste of work for a couple of years before going back to study.

I mean like, its not i don't want to study what.
Tho i know paper certs are important in the current society, but i want to do what i like..
Also been consulting people around me on what they think about this.
Like D, S, J, J, I, S, N etc and some trainers/ colleagues at work.
I'd still think its personal preference..

Better note.
Vampire Diaries season 4 is up too!
Feel like catching up on my laptop whenever im at home.

Ok, bye.
Stomach's growling which means its time to slp!

Guess thats about it?
Have fun lovelies! :)
Rmb, get up from where you fall.
Move on with life, time doesn't stop for you.
Stay healthy!
With love, J.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you. Sometimes it last in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

Went to do facial.
Somewhere in town today!
Damn pain zz.
Actually the first time I did outside leh!

Skipped dinner.
Stomach quite bloated actually.
Don't really feel like having anything especially when Lai Ang.
Why girls need to Lai Ang one zz.

He being guailan and attitude again.
Bitch please.
I'm not even working, don't have an income and don't even have savings.
 FYI, I spent all my savings at you.
Fucker.
Only know how to say.
Previously can shout until so loud you got alot money want do what then do what.
Now leh. Suddenly no money.
Complain me somemore.
That's why I always ignore if u ask if wna get things not.
 Ite also will kb then still want my opinions gam lan.

Ask you la. At first say want buy then buy la until so open.
Then buy alr want complain so much.
Say spend ur money, waste money buy things.
Wah fuck. No heart to buy or will complain in future then sua ah.
No need u to buy ok.

I no money also won't ask from you hor.
Since when take from you when I broke.
Always ask from my father or sister only right.
Your pattern too guailan.
If borrow from you then kb like end of the world.
Kb waste money etc.
Coz of u I sacrifice alot alr.
Even my cousins like that I also nvr say alr.
Everyday only know how to fart and scold and attitude and guailan and talk like xdd ah bengs.
You know those every sentence must have 'fuck' related words if not like can die.

Yeah talking about them.
They quite fake uh.
Not afraid to say coz it's the fact.
Be it family or cousin.
Some mini thing about yours.
Wtf. Damn fake please.
Have to always fake in front of all of u coz u all are as fake.
Don't know is make it obvious or what lor.

K. Now my phone being a bitch.
Recently. The whole right side key pad sensor damn laoya.
At first only l and backspace got prob.
Now is p, l, o, backspace and return got prob.

Le sigh. Thinking about it. If ony I don't have sch, can go church camp.
 Sad sia. Miss the durian times.
And this time it's Prof Harding.
I rmb the time where we drove his wife and him for church camp!
His jokes all so funny.
Story so interesting.
Can be my ah gong alr.

See how bad is my life now?
I dare say my life is in a mess.
Bye.